Yesterday was Henry's second day at his school. We got there at 9:00 and I stayed till 9:30--he seemed fine. I experienced the same nausea when leaving as before but this time I did not allow myself to cry. I got in my car and sucked it up. I went home and completed the lengthy work history document needed to apply for what's probably the only part-time counseling job in the city of Austin(some people call these "applications", except I'm not applying at the Red Lobster so I say work history document) . The damn thing took over an hour, then I went to the bank, and then I returned to the toddler nursing home to get Henry. I was gone TWO WHOLE HOURS.
I was excited to see that all the children were outside playing and my heart lept at the thought of seeing my sweet little boy playing with his new friends, but that fantasy quickly dissolved when I turned the corner and saw him sitting on his teachers lap with his woobie. OH NO! The woobie got pulled out (I told them to give it to him if he got sad). I walked over and the teacher handed him to me and I took over her place, holding him, only this time he was all nuzzled into me and burying his head in my neck. I saw that he had dried tear streaks down his cheeks and I felt AWFUL. The teacher told me he was fine indoors but when they walked outside to play he got really upset and was asking for me. I can only imagine what a heartbreaking scene that was. His little frantic cries, "Mama, mama!". It makes my stomach turn with grief. I am just not cut out for this world.
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